A Hungry Ghost

 "If the world were merely seductive, that would be easy. If it were merely challenging, that would be no problem. But I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve (or save) the world and a desire to enjoy (or savor) the world. This makes it hard to plan the day."

___E.B. White

It is hard to plan the day, isn't it? There's a somber feel to life these days, under a dark shadow, difficult to know what ordinary life is any more. But still there is joy, in the smallest of things, peeking out beneath the somber weight...don't you find it so?

My hairdresser leaned in, and almost conspiratorially whispered to me, "Are you in the mood for Christmas, Cris, at all?" And I said, "No, not really. I'm having trouble finding the Merry in it all." She nodded, and we both sighed. Walking home to Judy's in the rain, I thought about joy...pure, lighthearted joy. Her wistful question seemed to echo a hungry ghost which haunts the world these days, a personal/national longing for peace and hope in troubled times. We all seemed to be holding our collective breath, waiting for something. "What am I waiting for?" I thought to myself..."the Revolution?" Is that where Joy will reappear? I'm not thinking here of mindless joy, but rather the joy of Emerson's calling..."...the keenest wakefulness."

 I need a revolution based on Love. We need it, all of us on this Earth. For, everywhere you look, people are struggling to find joy, staggering a bit as they seek to find their footing. Certainly, the crushing blow dealt to our national sense of innocence by the fall of the twin towers on 9-11 has affected us all so deeply. But there is something truly profound here at stake, don't you think? It feels like the dawning of a strange new time...nothing I've ever known myself, despite a learned cynicism engendered by one too many assassinations in our beloved country.

It would be so easy to just target the evil that men do. I mean, I think most of us agree, it is just wrong to slam a plane loaded with people into a building filled with lots of other people, no matter who, no matter what. It seems therefore easy for some to climb up so willingly onto the Nationalism Bandwagon and trumpet the cause of Innocence Wronged. But innocence falls like ashes into the streets, and it is hard to pinpoint the target...for me, at least. I know the biggest target for my anger has to do with a revolution based on Fear...whoever perpetrates it. I'm certain that the events of 9-11have pushed most of us into the Present Moment, and into a different sense of Time. Priorities rise barometrically. Out of the Blue, we may find ourselves calling a long-lost friend and finding joy there. We might with greater consciousness work on our difficult relatiionships with friends or family, or be just a lot more patient...and there is joy in that. We might all in someway be seeking the God of our childhood. What would we trade for safety? Our privacy? Our freedom? The Future?

Scary times. Still, there is joy beneath the Cloud. It helps me to remember all that I love...so much in this bright and beautiful world. There is joy in these things:
- My dear partner Judy who teaches me so much about bare-boned honesty and love
- My fabulous friends and incredibly faithful fans The honest way my horses smell and how utterly soft their noses are upon being kissed
- The tender feathered beauty at my feeders
- The cats parenthetical surround as I sleep, filled with food, and in my warm
house
- The mid-winter blossoming of my relationship with my Mom, soon-to-be-80 (but who could tell by the way she drives!)
- Singing...the way music erupts from my throat is pure joy. How much closer we draw to the Heart of the Matter as the year draws down to Darkness and returns to Light. Here comes the sun (thank you, George...).

Blessings on us all...Cris