Happy Holidays to one and all! As I write this from sunny Arizona, I think about all of you who have been so loving, so supportive throughout this year.. and, except for the death of my Dad, possibly the most difficult year in my memory. Only a few days remain until the breaking of the New Year, and the anniversary of the breaking of my heart.
Dear Friends: Home at last, the beginning of the grey days of the winter rains, the eventual dimming of the light, the wild birds flocking hungrily to the feeders, the cats close by, keeping me good company, the horses, muddy and beautiful, knowing no sorrow...So thankful for so much these days.
Thanksgiving passed as an ordinary day, really, for which I was so grateful! I did chores, chopped wood, built a fire in the fireplace, crawled under a blanket on the couch, and, with two cats keeping me in place, I watched two horse movies back-to-back, National Velvet with Elizabeth Taylor, then The Black Stallion.
I am recently back from my two-week stay in PTown, where I played every day at 5:15, the "Vesper Hour" there in the cabaret, surely the earliest show in Provincetown, where business overall is down by a third. My audiences were small but fervent, and I felt deeply received.
At sea, in so many, many ways...sitting in my room, reading the news bulletin, news from the world...Jerusalem, Belfast, earthquakes in Managua, Nicaragua, Russia promising to Nagasaki fewer nuclear warheads, roads in Turkey and Athens melting in the heat wave in which we are presently sailing. Missles and warheads and famine and peace struggles -- earthquakes and heat waves -- all still goes on out there, while here, at sea in the blue world on this ship, all feels peaceful...
I had been summoned to Miss Gady's sixth grade class just outside the city of Yakima Washington, a place I'd never been.
Tam, my agent, kindly suggested we drive their together, so I could meet her sister and her partner, and have an actual social get-together, replete with a meal cooked by someone else! I just couldn't think of a reason not to go, so off we went, up the Columbia River Gorge.
This last week has been a little strange for me, perhaps because I'm not touring, which always keeps me sane, perhaps because I'm truly alone, but mostly not lonely, perhaps because this is what happens when the course of one's life has altered so dramatically.
Whatever it is, I feel as though I'm being born backwards, that everything is upside down...forever changed. I have no map but instinct and the centering, precious work I've known for so long...the constant in my changing horizon. I am dwelling in Honesty these days and nights, and sometimes it is brutal, sometimes just refreshing.
As I shine my light, I see my own history mirrored in the lives of those who listen, who weep, who laugh as we go through this Change together.
"At least we are together, at most we're family, at times we all are fortunate, at best we all can see."
-- "House of Bones" CW
The Road winds on, around bends I cannot see. I am so in the Present, my Past lies behind me now, and my Future unknown. Honesty, though painful, nourishes my Soul, and fosters my healing. I am here.
These first gigs have been so deep and so profound as I make my way through these early days of work without Tret. You know, the hardest part for me is not on stage, as some would have to believe, but rather the everyday world of eating and sleeping and moving through life in an ordinary way without her.